I still argue that bisexual women who are in more heterosexual relationships than homosexual ones, are currently in a non-poly het relationship, and still want to flag if only for the purpose of making friends and a wish to participate in community are completely welcome to flag.
And I wonder why anyone might object to that, or dismiss the femme flagging these things as “Lesbian until graduation,” “Bisexual until graduation,” “only bi to get my boyfriend the threesome he wants.” Why erase bisexual women in non-poly heteromantic relationships? Is it because friendship is trivial or some kind of consolation prize or something equally fucked up? If “not looking for romance or sex, but am femme and queer, how you doing” is ever seriously considered to be ruining everything about femme flagging, I have to ask - have you thought about the implications of that?
Something that has been said on the forum over and over is that flagging for sexual activity is not consent, and that a colour/finger position/glitter code for Not looking for sex is important, and that flagging to signal that you are a survivor of sexual violence is importan. These are only a few ways in which femme flagging wants to be differently nuanced from the terribly male approach of the hanky code.
So while rgr-pop was disrespectful, inappropriate, and hostile, her “ironic” question needs to be taken seriously for the benefit of queer femme women who want to flag as queer and are looking for friends and community for all the reasons she might have to flag that don’t lead directly to sex and or romance.
On an individual level, if you encounter a woman flagging anything, ultimately you get to decide if you want to try interacting or not, and it’s perfectly okay to decide not to approach a woman who is flagging that she’s not looking for sex or romance, just as it’s perfectly okay to decide not to approach a woman who is flagging that she *is* looking for sex are romance. On the collective level I think it’s important to remember that we all have our own stories about our sexuality, and that you can be a queer femme in a lot of different ways.